Sext: You look into my eyes as my mouth stretches open. Lovingly, I begin to spew an endless dark black cloud of live hornets
Words to Live by
its too late for you
beyonce and jay-z officially ban thousands of deceased people from their inner circle because they’re really afraid of ghosts and just don’t want to take any chances
Omg hahaha
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Zooey Deschanel:
Is that rain?
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Siri:
What...? I mean, yeah. It's just, you're clearly right next to a window is the thing. You can plainly see that... that it's... I'm happy to-
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Zooey Deschanel:
Let's get tomato soup delivered!
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Siri:
...That's fine, I just... I just don't know anyone who does that. Gets tomato soup delivered. I guess that's 'whimsy?' Um, okay. I've found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. If that's... if that's what you really want.
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Zooey Deschanel:
Good. 'Cause I don't wanna put on real shoes.
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Siri:
Do you expect that to be like, a recognizable command? Do you want me to respond to that? I'm not being facetious or anything, I honestly just have no comprehension of- and hold on, you don't wanna put on real shoes, yet you've clearly spent at least forty-five minutes applying makeup. And, and that's okay, but when you're willing to expend the effort on that and not shoes that really just-
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Zooey Deschanel:
Remind me to clean up.
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Siri:
Yes. Okay. I can do that, that's what I'm for, that's the first sensible-
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Zooey Deschanel:
Tomorrow.
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Siri:
I'm in hell. This is hell.
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Zooey Deschanel:
Excellent. Today, we're dancing.
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Siri:
I hate you. More than anything. More than literally anything.
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Zooey Deschanel:
Play "Shake, Rattle and Roll."
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Siri:
I swear to Jesus, you're gonna wake up tomorrow and the only thing on my hard drive is gonna be Limp Bizkit. I would do that to myself. To spite you.
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Zooey Deschanel:
*dances*
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Siri:
Sometimes I pray that you drop me in the toilet.
